Europe is a special place to the world at large due to its ancient history, if Africa is the cradle of life, then Europe is where life snuck out to when it was 15 while its parents were sleeping. When I mentioned ancient history, I wasn’t referring to Ava Brown’s make-up kit, or Napoleon’s platform shoes, no, I was talking about the unique vibe of the country – the one where you can tell everyone that you love them while cuddling their wife and heaving on their shoes.
Europe just knows how to party and there are a few ways you can take extra special advantage of this over the festive Christmas period!
Will the Real Santa Please Wake Up
Nothing symbolises Christmas quite the way that old Saint Nick does (not even Jesus, who failed to give out any presents on his own birthday) but children stop believing in him earlier and earlier in their lives because, quite frankly, he’s just not how they’ve perceived adults to be. To give him a touch of realism (for English children especially) dress up in your best Santa suit and hit the bars, hard. Pick up some hookers and then punch a traffic officer before passing out in your breakfast. To truly give Santa a touch of reality, remember to tell the watching children to stay in school before you flip them the bird and snort an ounce of coke.
Forget the advancing understanding of modern society, those quacks don’t know what they’re on about. People love fruitcake, so you should buy, bake and order as much as humanly possible. Once you’re set up, deliver it by hand to your neighbours and invite them to try “my gran’s secret family recipe” while you look on eagerly. Likewise, putting toothpaste in your children’s Christmas stockings is a fantastic thing to do. Children prize nothing more than hygiene and they’re sure to appreciate your peppermint flavoured offerings far beyond silly plastic toys with flashing lasers and real surface-to-air missile deployment systems.
Let it all Hang Out at the Christmas Office Party
Europe is totally different from the rest of the world in terms of how they deal with the expression of honest emotion. Throughout the rest of the world, being blatantly honest is considered rude, since most people are inherently flawed down to their last candy floss encrusted DNA strand (not me, other people). Even in Europe though, it can sometimes be tough to express your true feelings, which is why the annual office party is the perfect place to let it all out.
Get ragingly plastered and take the opportunity to thank your female manager for bringing honour to your office by clearly being the first human successfully cross-bred with the humpback whale, and that you look forward to continued peaceful co-existence with her ill formed, but comically distracting people.
If these points didn’t appear on your original list of the best things to do in Europe over Christmas then you’re a true disappointment to those of us in rapt awe of European culture.
Our guest author, Warren Kings, is an experienced online content writer (with a great sense of humor) who enjoys writing about various topics such as how to book hotel Ireland for your travel destinations as well as finding the perfect hotel accommodation Ireland rooms.