Archaeologists Unearth “Penis God” Temple in Sozopol

It seems there’s a lot of weird stuff going down in the Bulgarian town of Sozopl at the moment. Following last year’s discovery of two vampire graves and the remains of one John the Baptist, archaeologists have reported an even more unusual discovery – that of a temple devoted to the legendary ‘Phallic God’ Priapus, best known for his extraordinarily large, ahem, manhood.

For those who don’t know their history, Priapus was one of the more, shall we say ‘memorable’ Roman gods, worshipped as the god of fertility and the protector against any man’s worst nightmare – erectile dysfunction. For Roman men, paying homage to the great Priapus was thought to be akin to some kind of ‘metaphysical’ Viagra, assuring them that they would be well endowed and able to ‘rise to the occasion’ whenever the situation demanded it.

Archaeologists report that numerous ‘revealing’ artifacts have been discovered at the site of the Priapus temple, including a model clay phallus that has the words “to Priapus” inscribed on it. Bozhidar Dimitrov, head of Bulgaria’s National History Museum, told reporters that this kind of artifact was a common item that menfolk would offer to the god in the hope of receiving his blessings.

The Sofia Globe, which first reported the discovery, failed to mention what kind of condition the actual temple was in, but it did say that such discoveries are incredibly rare, as Priapus was only considered to be a minor god in comparison to those that have planets named after them. However, the paper reports that Priapus was a particularly important god for sailors, something that helps to explain the discovery at Sozopol, which was a thriving port during Roman times.